I'm actually coming in pretty late this week. The event I want to look at has already been analysed and the analysis of the analysis has also been analysed.
The name "Samantha Brick" will, in around 51% of the population, spark feelings of anger. This was the woman, who, earlier this week, claimed it was difficult being as pretty as she is.
She is, as many Daily Mail Online readers spluttered angrily, and with less coherence, quite a plain-looking middle aged lady. True, she has avoided many of the pitfalls of being 41- she isn't going grey, she's got no bingo wings... but it doesn't change the fact that she's 41. And not Jennifer Connelly 41. Not even Uma Thurman 41. More of a woman-in-an-office 41. Got the money for a gym membership and moisturiser; got the discipline for a career and to keep her her hair tidy.
Not surprising, really, seeing as that's exactly what Samantha Brick is. As I will reveal next week, Ugly Betty has been lying to you, and journalism isn't all that shiny and wonderful- it's office work like everything else.
However, something compelled Samantha Brick to write that article. I'd hazard a guess that it wasn't arrogance, but a valid point. Having read the article in question, rather than the ensuing storm of criticising articles, I can see nothing but a well-reasoned argument.
She's nothing remarkable. Let's not forget, however, that nor are the majority of the rest of us. I can't remember the last time I went to the gym. My hair is a mess of washed-out green and it most certainly hasn't been brushed. I have my reasons, they're fairly good. However, in this condition I'm not going to earn myself a drink from a stranger. I don't deserve it; I've not made an effort.
I tried reading the many vitriolic comments sparked by Ms Brick's efforts, but didn't make it. Halfway down the first uninformed keyboard-bashing rant I became disinclined to listen to the general public. They've missed the point. It's not arrogance. It's experience.
Brick simply details all the times in her career when she's been put down by an older, fatter, uglier woman. Really, I believe it happens.
When I'm feeling at my ugliest, and you don't need to know the details, I will gladly bite the head off anyone thinner, wearing more makeup, wearing nice shoes, taller, with blonde hair... the list goes on. When I'm twenty years older, and know that no matter how hard I try, the "bimbos" are always going to outdo me- I'm going to be livid.
Brick claims that women hate prettier women. She's right. Cue the furious storm of media coverage that sprang up in the days following.
The photos published by the DMOnline were not, by any means, her best. The awkward, fake smile did nothing to bring out Ms Brick's charms, which, if you look elsewhere on the internet, do actually exist. So why did the website publish them?
I'll tell you why. How many people have read this article now? How many people have commented on it, written articles of their own, talked about it on social media? Enough.
The Daily Mail Online has published, at last count, no fewer than seven follow-up articles to Brick's. All in the space of four days. Aside from the 5700-odd comments that the original article received, there have been a further eleven-and-a-half thousand comments on Brick-related articles.
So, 17000 at least have taken enough interest in this run-of-the-mill opinion piece to scream into the void that the woman's not all that pretty and women don't hate women. That's nearly as many people as live in the Cook Islands. Or as live in La Rochelle, France.
Publications don't care if you hate them. All that matters is that you read them. They don't care whether the article you've just read has soothed your fevered brow or caused you to shake your fist in rage. In fact, the latter option will cause you to read longer as you scour the offending piece for exactly which words have offended you so you can put them in your furious reply in inverted commas.
The 17,000 who commented may be surprised to learn that Samantha Brick has not read their analysis. She has not taken down these people's criticisms, nor learnt valuable lessons from what they have to say. No. She has written one follow-up article, for which she will have been paid, been interviewed for another article, for which she will have been paid, and also appeared on This Morning. She's been paid for that, too.
Furthermore, her husband has also had his say- and been paid for it.
What will really stick in the teeth of all the uglies, lardies and oldies embittered by Ms Brick's failure to deteriorate into hideousness along with them is the fact that she is now famous. Her abilities as a journalist, particularly those involving sparking 17,000 commenters into action, are plain for all to see.
I will conclude in the only way I feel I can. Firstly, by raising a glass to Ms Brick and congratulating her on her achievements. Secondly, by telling you all how ugly you are, and advising you to make your friends read my blog so I can tell them how ugly they are too.
